Minority Report
Poseidon was not total garbage. The set-up sequence was really bad, but they got to the disaster in record time. The cast was as follows:
•The Dad. Also, an ex-firefighter and ex-mayor of New York City. Did I mention he was played by Kurt Russell?
•The Lovers. The Dad's daughter and her boyfriend.
•The Gambler. The mainish character of the movie, as evidenced by the horrifically bad CGi shot of him jogging all along the deck of the ship in the opening sequence.
•The Single-mom. Gee, what could possibly interest a Gambler besides money?
•The Kid. Attached to the single mom, of course.
•The Man With Nothing Left To Lose. A gay cuckold? This is *so* a 21st century movie.
•The Stowaway. At least she's hot.
•The Cook. ¡Más y Menos si Podemos!
•The Plucky Comic Relief. Man, I hate that guy...
•The Captain/Preacher/Black Guy. As always, they ran out of budget and had to consolidate a few characters. My favourite of these was Deep Blue Sea's Cook/Preacher/Black Guy.
( Who died? Our Akita, Evita. )
Even in disaster movies where they practically require there to be 3 female characters (so that the slut can die and the other two can get married), there is *still* no Mo Movie Moment! The only time I can recall two female characters talking to each other in this movie at all is when The Lovers (Part A) and The Stowaway are trying to free The Lovers (Part B) from a pile of wreckage. And they don't have enough brains to do it, so the (plastered) Plucky Comic Relief has to come in and rescue the helpless women.
Wait, maybe this movie really *is* total garbage...
•The Dad. Also, an ex-firefighter and ex-mayor of New York City. Did I mention he was played by Kurt Russell?
•The Lovers. The Dad's daughter and her boyfriend.
•The Gambler. The mainish character of the movie, as evidenced by the horrifically bad CGi shot of him jogging all along the deck of the ship in the opening sequence.
•The Single-mom. Gee, what could possibly interest a Gambler besides money?
•The Kid. Attached to the single mom, of course.
•The Man With Nothing Left To Lose. A gay cuckold? This is *so* a 21st century movie.
•The Stowaway. At least she's hot.
•The Cook. ¡Más y Menos si Podemos!
•The Plucky Comic Relief. Man, I hate that guy...
•The Captain/Preacher/Black Guy. As always, they ran out of budget and had to consolidate a few characters. My favourite of these was Deep Blue Sea's Cook/Preacher/Black Guy.
( Who died? Our Akita, Evita. )
Even in disaster movies where they practically require there to be 3 female characters (so that the slut can die and the other two can get married), there is *still* no Mo Movie Moment! The only time I can recall two female characters talking to each other in this movie at all is when The Lovers (Part A) and The Stowaway are trying to free The Lovers (Part B) from a pile of wreckage. And they don't have enough brains to do it, so the (plastered) Plucky Comic Relief has to come in and rescue the helpless women.
Wait, maybe this movie really *is* total garbage...
