Fever dreams of the paperwork-mad

Imagine, if you will, that I am on my way to an SCA event. I see a helpless motorist on the side of the road in a sideless surcoat. I stop to help, they're from another group trying to get to an event in Carolingia. But, really, I should lay off the Swedish accent.

Imagine, if you will, a gang war movie starring the Coreys, featuring bicycles and M-16s. Corey Feldman played the half-feral boy who slept on gazebo roofs.