I act but am no actor

OK, after having not one but two dreams about Henry V last night, clearly I need to put proverbial pen to paper on this. See, I love to act. But, and I don't mean this as a dig on anyone in particular, I totally don't fit in with actors. I always feel alone and separate and, at best, just kinda forgettably there. Shooting the shit during a break in rehearsal? No one seems to hear a word I say. It doesn't help that I act as a sculptor with a fine chisel, carefully scooping out and finely detailing parts, every move carefully calculated to refine the performance with every repeat, and others seem to be using dynamite to take wild swings at their parts, and then only repeating the things that work.

One unsettling thing that happened, when I was talking to herooftheage (the director) about V.2 at the dress rehearsal, and it became clear from the shape of the stage that I needed to occupy pretty much the entire stage, I said, "So I should pretty much ignore them [the rest of the cast] entirely." To which the answer was "yup", and from learnedax (Henry), "We're ignoring you!" This is bothering me much more than even I had originally thought it would. It featured prominently in both of my dreams last night. In the longer (and clearer) one, I get to the performance hall late and the show's already over. Somehow, they've done it without me and nobody seemed to mind.