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Ow, my brain
Yesterday, I was told, I won at the internet. There's a guy over on the WW forums. He posted a link to this court case, where an Indiana man's personal religious conflicts were used as an excuse to reduce his custody of his children from 50% to alternate weekends. The url of the article he linked to belonged to a Men's Rights Organization with a violent phallic symbol for its name (he says he finds the group distasteful, but linked to their version of the article).
Unfortunately, while trying to fix the problems society imposes on men, he tends to forget that society imposes problems on women. Downthread, he started going off the deep end. I called him on it:
Quoth he: And this defines "patriarchy."
Quoth I:
That is, of course, not remotely what patriarchy is. Patriarchy is the set of societal attitudes and forces at work that have the primary effect of enforcing gender norms and the net effect of being a larger detriment to women than men.
As a man, Patriarchy is my enemy. Patriarchy says I don't get to cry at movies unless they're about sports[1]. Patriarchy says that I must act like a predator to find a mate. Patriarchy says that I must be better than my spouse at just about everything, except cooking, cleaning, and raising the kids. Patriarchy says that children belong with their mother, even when the mother is an abusive psychopath. Patriarchy says that I am sick and wrong for even thinking about being my children's primary caregiver. Patriarchy says that I am sick and wrong for being bisexual. Patriarchy says the only emotions I get to feel are anger, pride, and shame. And Patriarchy insults my abilities by giving me an unfair advantage over women.
Meanwhile, Patriarchy assaults my wife, my mother, and my sister every day. It is a constant looming threat to my children, and one I intend to fight.
[1]It was later pointed out that men get to cry about war, too.
Unfortunately, while trying to fix the problems society imposes on men, he tends to forget that society imposes problems on women. Downthread, he started going off the deep end. I called him on it:
Quoth he: And this defines "patriarchy."
Quoth I:
That is, of course, not remotely what patriarchy is. Patriarchy is the set of societal attitudes and forces at work that have the primary effect of enforcing gender norms and the net effect of being a larger detriment to women than men.
As a man, Patriarchy is my enemy. Patriarchy says I don't get to cry at movies unless they're about sports[1]. Patriarchy says that I must act like a predator to find a mate. Patriarchy says that I must be better than my spouse at just about everything, except cooking, cleaning, and raising the kids. Patriarchy says that children belong with their mother, even when the mother is an abusive psychopath. Patriarchy says that I am sick and wrong for even thinking about being my children's primary caregiver. Patriarchy says that I am sick and wrong for being bisexual. Patriarchy says the only emotions I get to feel are anger, pride, and shame. And Patriarchy insults my abilities by giving me an unfair advantage over women.
Meanwhile, Patriarchy assaults my wife, my mother, and my sister every day. It is a constant looming threat to my children, and one I intend to fight.
[1]It was later pointed out that men get to cry about war, too.
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Unfortunately, this sort of attitude is apparently extremely prevalent-- I got into a situation where I was bluntly telling a guy he was a tool of the patriarchy shortly before Thanksgiving. (On my extremely progressive, feminist college campus.) I didn't do it anywhere so prettily or well-spoken as you did, though. You definitely win the internet.
re: On my extremely progressive, feminist college campus
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(I find it a fascinating argument, at what point does someone's religious beliefs become "extreme" and intolerable?)
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It has been alleged that he and his ex-wife argued about said religious beliefs in front of the kids and that they were more able to communicate when he was a Christian. It's also been alleged that the ex-wife has been an inattentive parent - leaving the kids alone, not feeding them breakfast, not buckling the carseats. It's also been alleged that he has been harassing her at work - she has a restraining order against him.
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And the problem has been that men had MUCH more ability to exercise their volition and effect or prevent change than did women.
Feminism to me was mostly about being allowed to work. "Being allowed to work" though, requires quite a number of other things to be allowed: education, reproductive control, equal respect, ownership of property, the vote, health care, equal law enforcement....
Patriarchy, to me, is "Men rule; girls drool."
"Girls rule; men drool." doesn't work any better as a long term strategy.
The downside of "patriarchy" you have noted very well. Uneven society is bad for all of us.
re: Uneven society is bad for all of us.
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Anyway,
THIS!!!!!!!!!
(See you Saturday!)
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